Feb
17
The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo
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The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo will be airing on HBO on April 8th. I just wanted to pull out some of the commentary here, as I find there’s rarely any effort to make connections when you read about these things -
As Jackson shares her own gang-rape story, we’re potently reminded that in America we’re in no position to point fingers. The monstrous escalation of rape in the Congo doesn’t exist in a vacuum; around the world, human beings perpetrate new heights of barbarity – against the planet and themselves.
And in this short article:
Unfortunately, as a human-rights activist notes, good intentions may not be enough to end what appears to be an institutionalized outrage: “The rapists of yesterday have today become the authorities. And they encourage sexual violence because for them it has become a lifestyle. That is why the violence doesn’t end.”
Feb
13
Warning: Intense Navel Gazing Ahead
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Note to self: Don’t write something at 1:30am and expect it to make any sense. Major clarifications and edits complete.
All right…. I’m going to get much more personal than I ever wanted to get on this blog. I just don’t want to turn it into navel gazing fest, which I have a total propensity to do. (Hell, maybe it already is. Half of me has a really big ego, the other half is insecure as a mouse. Go figure.)
I asked the I Blame the Patriarchy forum community if they could give me any guidance or useful resources in terms of how I could get where I would like to go career wise. I got a lot of useful advice, but the one that was stressed the most was international work experience. And then someone suggested the Peace Corp. The suggestion has really forced me to face some things that have been brimming and niggling at the back of my mind.
Some background. I’ve always felt that I need to go somewhere, do something “crazy,” something abroad, and “out of character” to break a mold. Perhaps it is not immediately evident, but there’s a low strain of anxiety that very often dictates both my every day and long term actions. I actively seek to avoid “what if” situations that might be even slightly stressful. The unknown and change are two things that completely ratchet up this anxiety.
The more I’ve been forced to face it, the more frustrating it’s become. It’s difficult to realize just how ruled by anxiety you are. It’s in the little things, from the difficult lefts I might have to make while driving (which make me nervous until completed safely, or sometimes so nervous I will avoid them altogether – though that’s a rarity) to actually planning my daily life around avoiding these little stressors completely. And this type of thinking extends to major life avenues that I deem closed to me, not because they are, but simply because I view them as a sheer impossibility. It seems a little ridiculous. I’m still a little damn shocked as I examine the thought patterns I spend energy on every day and realize how limiting and fearful they are.
And so often I have tried to force myself to do things that I do not want to do, in the name of vanquishing this anxiety-that-I-have-never-copped-to-out-loud only to chicken out at the last second and cause much more trouble if I just hadn’t forced myself in the first place. One thing I have learned – if I don’t want to do something in my life, I WILL get out of it.
So….. In a quick evaluation of my options, the Peace Corp seems like an incredible opportunity. They pay you enough that you can survive and your school loans are deferred during your volunteering. It is practical, on the ground experience in international development with the added bonus of language immersion. Other programs expect you to pay them for your experience and I will still be expected to take care of things like loan payments and travel costs. My savings is barely enough to cover the programs I’ve been looking at, let alone extra costs. At the same time, they are much shorter and you can often choose where you want to go. The Peace Corp, on the other hand, is a solid two years living in a country that will be chosen for you. I’d like to think this is what really freaks me out about it so much, but at the same time it is foolish not to recognize that there are other underlying problems.
And yet, it seems clear that forcing this is not a very smart thing to do. At the same time, to let the acute anxiety of being outside of my comfort zone close doors to experiences that could be incredibly rewarding (if I just got the hell over it) would be really shameful.
And I can’t help but wonder about my motivations. Am I trying to force myself into these things to try and become the person I’ve always envisioned I would be – the competent, fearless, tough woman who would have the answer to every situation – or am I just trying to get at the person I am under these issues? I sometimes feel like I’m trying to outrun something that can’t be. That I am trying to get rid of the depression through a trial by fire.
So I’ll tell people that I’m thinking about applying to the Peace Corp, or that I’d like to work in international development and go to countries that may need something I can offer. I’ll talk with bravado as if it’s not a big deal and that it’s something tangible in my future. But in the end, it all just feels like compensation. I don’t really believe any of it.
Realistically, I know that I’m not always going to be a competent, fearless person with the answer to every situation. At the same time, I’d love to be one of those people who will pack up and do these kinds of things with an open mindedness, determination and mettle that I just don’t seem to have.
Feb
8
Some More on Radical Feminism and bell hooks
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Awhile back I had promised a post that would make an effort to define radical feminism. I like to think that I can define things, and neatly fit them into some kind of comprehensible box. I will usually set out to do this and my project goes awry just from the sheer fact that things aren’t so cut and dry, neat or easy to get to the bottom of.
The one thing I do know is that “radical” means to get to the root. I would say that in my short lived experience with radical feminism, it is very much about both the cultural and institutional ways that misogyny is maintained. Radical feminism is not about reforming the system we live in, it is about creating a new one altogether.
Am I a radical feminist? Still don’t know. I think so, but I’m not sure. At the very least, I ascribe to the above paragraph. But otherwise, the need to know is becoming less important in comparison to just familiarizing myself with various authors and theories. In Ain’t I a Woman, bell hooks ties up her book with some of the reasons why feminism has failed. I think that what she has to say is really powerful. Though I’d been reading bits and pieces of things that addressed issues like this, reading this passage was really a light bulb moment for me. Specifically, that we are vying for power in a system that works by the very virtue of the fact that certain segments of society have little to no power.
Although the contemporary feminist movement was essentially motivated by the sincere desire of women to eliminate sexist oppression, it takes place within a framework of a larger, more powerful cultural system that encourages women and men to place the fulfillment of individual aspirations above their desire for collective change. Given this framework, it is not surprising that feminism has been undermined by the narcissism, greed, and individual opportunism of its leading exponents. A feminist ideology that mouths radical rhetoric about resistance and revolution while actively seeking to establish itself within the capitalist patriarchal system is essentially corrupt. While the contemporary feminist movement has successfully stimulated an awareness of the impact of sexist discrimination on the social status of women in the U.S., it has done little to eliminate sexist oppression. Teaching women how to defend themselves against male rapists is not the same as working to change society so that men will not rape. Establishing houses for battered women does not change the psyches of the men who batter them, nor does it change the culture that promotes and condones their brutality. Attacking heterosexuality does little to strengthen the self-concept of the masses of women who desire to be with men. Denouncing housework as menial labor does not restore to the woman houseworker the pride and dignity in her labor she is stripped of by patriarchal devaluation. Demanding an end to institutionalized sexism does not ensure an end to sexist oppression.
The rhetoric of feminism with its emphasis on resistance, rebellion, and revolution created and illusion of militancy and radicalism that masked the fact that feminism was in no way a challenge or a threat to capitalist patriarchy.
Feb
2
Ani DiFranco and Gail Ann Dorsey
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Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel there’s a fire just waiting for fuel – Fuel
Every time I say something they find hard to hear they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear – Not a Pretty Girl
Get your subliminal decree and your false security, be all that you can be, be all that you can be – Decree
I saw Ani DiFranco and her guest act Gail Ann Dorsey a few Thursays ago at the iMac theater.
I discovered Ani during high school years with my circle of feminist friends and we were unable to get enough. Here was someone speaking to us in a way we understood. At a time when it felt like very few were, this was really ground shaking. Finally we had found a strong, amazing woman putting the things we were feeling in to words. We certainly weren’t getting anything like that from our high school environment.
And I’ll admit that I prefer people with bands backing them… I love listening to all the little accents that a band adds to the music. So while I’ve always loved Ani and her message, I’ll admit that sometimes I can get bored with her studio CDs when it’s just her and a guitar. So, on to the performance….
I think that Gail Ann Dorsey must have the voice that is made to accompany an acoustic guitar. I was so occupied by it that I was actually disappointed to find that her most recent CD was recorded with a band. She was great. Also disappointed to find that her song “Not a Genuis” (About feeling like everyone around you is coming up with all the good ideas and you’re not.) doesn’t seem to be recorded. In addition to her solo career, Dorsey has been a bassist for David Bowie and many other people for something like twenty years.
And then Ani came on and she is just so incredibly vibrant. Her energy is just amazing. I think out of anyone I have ever seen live, her performance is one that simply can not be duplicated in any way, shape, or form in a recording. She also has a band touring with her and it added such a nuanced sound. Allison Miller was on drums, Todd Sickafoose on upright bass and David Torkanowsky on percussion. (I was calling him a “xylophonist” all night. Oops!) I don’t know how to describe it, except that they were weaving these sounds that were just so three dimensional and deep.
Did I mention our seats were front row and center? I felt like…. in being there for her performance, she peeled back all these layers…. all the layers of depression and anger and sadness, the frustration at what goes on in the world. I felt like I was me, without all the grime and the feeling of being worn down and tired of all the absolute SHIT that goes on. And that wow, the world is a beautiful place and maybe it can really change. Overall, going to the concert helped. A lot.
The three songs that most reflected her sound, (no Allison Miller on drums /cry) and the ones that are my favorite so far off the CD I got are:
Decree
Half Assed
Alla This
They are from her Boston Live “Official bootleg” CD
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